I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
