What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
