Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
