well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
