barbara walters just said penis...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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