Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
