i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
