Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
