What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
