Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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