her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
