Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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