YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
