She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
