my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize