There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
