girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize