I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
