apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
