Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
