This is not my ceiling
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
