you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
