Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
