Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
