Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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