just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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