chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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