She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
