the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
