I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
