And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
