Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
