I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
