I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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