false alarm. still invincible.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize