you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
