Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
