omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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