So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize