I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
