Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
