do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
