Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize