I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
