he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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