If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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