apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
