After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
