RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
