my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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