Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
