If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
