I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
