On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
