I cockslap morals
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
