Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
