Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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