yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
