Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
