Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
