Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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