before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize