You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
