eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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