my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
