Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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