One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
