They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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