dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
