Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
