Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
