is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
