I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
